[My Paper Heart 01.0] My Paper Heart Page 12

  "Take me home."

  "Libby. Come on." He pleaded again, trying to make eye contact with me.

  I looked down at the ground, grinding my feet into the wooden plank floor. "Please just take me home."

  With a sigh he agreed and I spent the rest of the night, by myself, on the bathroom floor. My cheeks were soaked with tears and the toilet was a swirling mass of lemon shake up and cookie dough. I laid my head down on the cold tile floor until I heard Aunt Dee unlock the front door. Then I quickly washed my face and headed to bed.

  I had never felt so rejected in my life, even Beau wanted me, but my own boyfriend wouldn't even sleep with me when I was right on top of him, in black lingerie that cost hundreds of dollars.

  Blaine called, texted, and Facebook messaged me dozens of times that night, but I ignored every single one of them. All of the I’m sorries and please talk to me's. And one point he even showed up at Aunt Dee's house, but I couldn't bear to see him. I was embarrassed, but more than that I was hurt, and it was going to take a lot for me to get over that.

  Chapter 16

  I missed Blaine. I was still ignoring his texts and calls. When he would come into work I would make some excuse so that I could go to the backroom and sort through whatever junk people had brought in. My heart was already paper-thin and now it was starting to rip.

  People at work were starting to notice something was going on. I wasn't eating and if I was eating, I was running straight back to the bathroom. I was always tired and started keeping to myself more. I knew Aunt Dee was worried about me, but of all people I never thought she would ask Dina to talk to me.

  I could hear her gum chomping, getting louder and louder as she approached my desk. "Um, Libby?"

  I didn't even look up from my computer. "Yeah Dina?"

  "Um yeah, like can we talk?" Chomp, chomp.

  "We are talking Dina." I sighed.

  "No." She pouted. "I mean like go for a walk or something, alone, get out of here?"

  "Dina." I stared blankly at the computer screen. I had been staring at blank excel document for the past hour. "I'm working."

  "Please?" She begged in her semi-nasally, whiny voice.

  I took a deep breath and turned away from my computer. "Fine." I stood up. "I will go for a damn walk with you."

  I locked my eyes on Dina, looking her up and down. How could Blaine sleep with her and not me? She was skinnier than me. Her boney shoulders looked like baby chicken wings sticking out of the top of her shirt. Or maybe he just preferred brunettes, like Julie, but Dina's hair was more of a, dirty bottom of the sink, brown. Whatever it was, it was bothering me. I concentrated on looking at the ground instead as we walked out the front door of the office.

  "I noticed Blaine hasn't been around lately." She piped up as we started down the sidewalk.

  "Yeah, so? Now you don't have anything good to look at in the shop besides old pottery?" I kept my eyes down, but I couldn't keep my sarcasm in check. "Or maybe you just want to tell me some more about how you screwed my boyfriend. Oh, wait no it was before he met me, so it's okay right?" My voice was getting louder as I tried to hold back tears.

  "Maybe Blaine just doesn't want to be with me? Maybe I'm not good enough, just another college flunky. Another blonde sorority bimbo he can just toss to the side." I could feel the tears that were streaming my cheeks, stinging my eyes. I wiped them with the back of my hand and plopped down on a bench, putting my head between my knees.

  Dina took a deep, long breath and just stared down at me for a minute, her ugly black loafers tapping against the pavement.

  She slowly sat down beside me and put her hands on her knees. "Libby, I honestly don't think that's it at all."

  "Then what?" I practically spit, putting my face in my hands. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't even face him."

  She took another deep long breath. "Let's face it Libby, you and I aren't really friends."

  "No shit." I sniffled.

  "Anyway." She leaned back. "My point is that there is a lot you don't know about me and a lot that you probably should."

  I had no idea what this had to do with me and Blaine, but she continued anyways.

  "Well, I bet you didn't know I used to date Jackson?"

  I looked up at her raising an eyebrow. She didn't look at me, just straight ahead. Turns out Dina isn't in her thirties, she was only 24. You think I would know that from writing her paychecks, but like I said, I was terrible at math.

  "Well, Jackson and I did date for a long time. I thought we were going to get married. I moved back here after finishing school at Tulane, started here doing appraisals, and immediately started dating Jackson."

  Her expression never changed. She just stared off into space like she was going into another world.

  "Now Blaine and Jackson started working together the summer after Blaine graduated high school, and they quickly became friends. I remember that first summer, he and Julie were always over."

  I shuddered as she said Julie's name, but Dina didn't notice. She was still just staring straight ahead.

  "He lost his virginity to her that summer, you know?"

  I actually had no idea. Julie was something Blaine and I cared not to discuss. I just knew that there had been a lot of girls, but I didn't know that Julie was the first. But I couldn't speak at that moment, it was like my mouth had swelled up, so I just shook my head.

  "That's why he was so crushed when she broke up with him. He saved it all those years for her. And that little wench held it over his head for years. Then finally the night before she left for college they finally did it, right there on Jackson's bed."

  Well I guess that made sense why he wouldn't have sex with me at Jackson's…

  "Do you know how many times I washed those sheets?" She wrinkled her nose. I couldn't help but laugh. "Girl was nasty!"

  I laughed again, a real laugh, one that I hadn't had since the Fourth of July.

  "Well it's obvious why he was so crushed when she broke up with him. For weeks he just tried nothing but to get her back. Calling her all the time, trying to plan trips up to Mississippi, but she just wasn't interested."

  Dina tugged her skirt down a bit, and then glanced at me to make sure I was still paying attention. I nodded to show that I was.

  "About a month later he found out that she had a new boyfriend. Some fraternity boy at Ole Miss, Beta or Gamma or something or another. Anyway Blaine was completely mortified. He didn't know which way was up."

  An elderly lady walked past us to go to the post office and we sat in silence giving a polite smile as she passed. Dina watched her until she walked into the post office and then closed the door.

  Dina took a deep breath and then stared down at the sidewalk below us.

  "Well that night he found out about Julie, Jackson decided to have a little ‘forget about Julie’ party. He got some beers and some pot and everyone was having a pretty good time."

  Dina tugged on her skirt again. It was kind of, her nervous tick.

  "Let me put it this way, Blaine was having a really good time. He was definitely three sheets to the wind. I don't even know how he was walking."

  I wasn't too sure where this story was going, but I knew a drunk and high Blaine was probably not a good thing.

  "And you know Blaine has always been one of the most attractive guys in the Parrish. I mean star pitcher in high school and those blue eyes, they are what girls have dreams about."

  How I missed his blue eyes.

  "Well it wasn't just Blaine that was a little smashed, it was all of us…and well Jackson and I had a big fight."

  Then I knew exactly where this was going.

  "I was the first in Blaine's series of random girls, and right there on the bed that Jackson and I had shared so many moments."

  She looked right at me, her beady little black eyes welding back tears. "Jackson was going to propose to me that night. I couldn't find him because he was planning the perfect proposal out by the boat do
ck. And when I didn't show he came looking for me and he found me alright."

  She took a big sniffle, looking back down at the ground.

  "Blaine was practically passed out on the bed, so naturally it was all my fault. He came into that room and there I was naked as the day I was born laying next to Blaine on his bed."

  She started tapping her feet on the ground.

  "He threw the ring box at me." She looked back at me. "It was a beautiful ring, more than I think he actually could afford. He must have saved for months."

  She looked back down. "But it ended that night and as for Blaine. Well." She snorted. "He didn't even remember it. When I tried to talk to him the next day, you know thinking we could go to the Tasty Freeze or something, he acted like I was dirt or something."

  She shook her head.

  "But that didn't stop him from moving on to the next girl and the next girl. It was like he thought he could drown his sorrows in alcohol and vagina."

  "Wow." It was all I could scratch out. My throat was so dry from my tears.

  "But that's not the point of the story, Libby." She looked at me again. It was like those beady black eyes were pleading with me.

  "Then what is it Dina? Why should I care so much for a guy that doesn't care about me?" A single tear rolled down my cheek and I left it there.

  "Libby, he has never looked at another girl like he looks at you, not even Julie. Hell if it wasn't for you, I think he would have probably screwed the whole town!"

  I snorted. That was probably true, and he probably would again now that he was done with me.

  "Libby." Dina's expression was sober. "He didn't have sex with you at Jackson's because he wasn't going to have you just be another random girl, or even worse have you leave him like Julie did. Don't you see that?"

  "I don’t know, don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?" I bit my lip, trying to avoid her eyes.

  "Honey, I don't think you understand. If you would have seen how he was before you, you wouldn’t be saying this." She gave up trying to look me in the eye and just shook her head.

  Then we sat there quietly for a few moments before she stood up. "I'm only going to say one more thing to you, Libby."

  I looked up at her, her cheeks were actually soaking wet. "If I could have one more chance with Jackson I would take it in a heartbeat, and I think you should do the same with Blaine."

  She didn't wait for me to follow, just left me there staring up as she darted back down the street and into the antique shop.

  Chapter 17

  I just stared at my phone for a long time, debating if I should pick it up and call him or not.

  "Libby just call him!" Britt yelled from the other end of the couch.

  It was Thursday, which meant it was bridge night. Since it was Eleanor Saint Fleur's night to host, it was just Britt and I sitting on the couch and watching a made-for-TV movie.

  "That's not what I'm thinking about," I quipped, quickly looking up at the TV.

  Britt rolled her eyes. "Libby, I'm not stupid, it's been almost a week since you talked to him, and I know you want to. So just call him!"

  "I don't need to call him. I'm enjoying sitting here with you and watching this movie." I slouched deeper into the couch.

  "What's this movie about then?"

  "What?" I shot my head toward her.

  "You heard me. If you are watching this movie, what is it about?" She raised her eyebrows.

  "Uh…well…there is a lady…and a dude…"

  "Just as I thought." Britt leaned across the couch and grabbed my phone.

  "Hey!" I reached my arms out, but it was too late. Britt had already sprung up and was behind the couch. The phone was to her ear.

  "Hey Blaine, its Britt." I hopped over the couch mouthing No over and over and waving my arms in the air. "Yeah, I've got someone that wants to talk to you."

  She handed me the phone. "I’m going to Sarah's, I'll be back later, now don't keep that boy waiting." She then turned and headed out the front door, leaving me standing there with the phone in my hand.

  "Um hello? Hello?" I could hear Blaine loud and clear.

  Slowly I put the phone up to my ear. "Hey…"

  "Libby, is it really you this time?" He spoke slowly, really bringing out his accent.

  "Yeah…it's me…" I couldn't think of anything to say. I didn't know what I was supposed to say, so we just sat there in silence for what seemed like forever.

  "Libby, I'm sorry." It was all he could muster. It felt like he was fighting the words as he said them.

  "Are you?" I held back my tears, they really wanted to come out though, and I constantly had to wipe my eyes.

  Then the doorbell rang. I quickly wiped my eyes again. "Hold on, someone's at the door."

  I walked over, taking a big sniffle, with the phone still at my ear.

  "Yes?" I dropped the phone as soon as I saw that it was Blaine standing there. His eyes were blood shot, like he hadn't slept in days, and he looked like he just picked up whatever wrinkled flannel shirt and jeans he could find on the floor.

  "Baby, I'm so sorry." He just stood there, looking right at me, his eyes were so blue and I realized how much I missed his stare.

  I completely lost it. I let the tears run freely as I jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over. Luckily he caught me and I wrapped my legs and arms around him.

  He looked up at me, gripping me tighter around the waist and a big smile crossed his face. I looked down and finally met his smile, and then I leaned in closer and lightly kissed his lips.

  He reciprocated in full force, opening his mouth and kissing me hard as he walked into the house, with me still in his arms. Luckily he found the couch. I was afraid he might lose his balance.

  He stopped kissing me for a brief moment, but then started up again as he laid down on top of me on the couch. It was like he had never kissed me or felt me before, his hands were running through my hair, then up my sides, and down to my hips. Then his kissing got harder and he started going down my neck and my collar bone.

  "Blaine, what are you doing?" I pulled his head up and looked at him.

  "What?" He shrugged, intertwining his fingers with the drawstring on my sweat pants.

  "You act like you haven't seen me in years or like that you want something." I cocked my head to the side.

  "Well, it has been awhile, baby." He grinned from ear to ear. "And I missed you." He leaned in again to kiss me, but I turned my head sharply before he could, giving him a mouthful of blonde hair.

  "This doesn't mean I've completely forgiven you, or that I’m just going to have sex with you here on Aunt Dee's couch." I slowly turned my head back toward him so he could see that I was serious.

  "Well isn't that what you want, Libby?" He moved from the drawstring to the top of my sweat pants. He moved my shirt up and rubbed my panty line with his thumb.

  "I do...I mean…" I pushed his hand away and moved my legs out from around him and onto the floor. "I mean, I did." I put my head in my hands and heaved a big sigh.

  "So, you don't want to now?" He scooted closer to me, a look of puzzlement clearly painted on his face. "Did I do something to change your mind? Baby, I am truly very sorry what happened on the fourth, and I really want to make it up to you."

  He gently grabbed my hand, putting it in his.

  I looked up at him, slowly pulling my head up. "I know Blaine, and I know I should have been more understanding of everything. I shouldn't have kept trying to force you."

  "Baby, you didn't try to force me into anything. I was just being stupid and stubborn." He smiled scooting closer to me. "And I am really hoping that you still have that little black thing you were wearing."

  I grinned and shook my head. "I think I buried that somewhere in my closet."

  "Damn." The air blew threw his nose as he laughed.

  "I do have some pretty awesome granny panties on right now though."

  "Man, Libby." He poked my ribs. "You really know how to get
a guy going."

  "You know what would really get me going?" I turned my whole body toward him, a devious little grin crossing my lips.

  "What?" He was so close I could feel that he was still a bit excited, well at least his pants were telling me he was still excited.

  I leaned in and put my lips close to his ear, whispering. "If you got me a root beer float."

  "Oh come on!" He smacked his leg.

  "What?" I pulled back. "We haven't gone to Sam's in a while now, and I really want one."

  "You're a tease." He poked the bit of my stomach that peeked out from underneath my shirt. "And you look like you need to eat."

  "I don't know how I'm supposed to take that one, do I thank you?"

  "Um no." He stood up. "It means you need to eat a fucking cheeseburger."

  I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest. "Well, that wasn't very nice."

  He groaned. "Libby, c'mon I don't want to play this game. Let's go. I'll take you to Sam's or the Tasty Freeze." He put his hand out toward me.

  I smacked his hand down. "I don't want to go now."

  "What did I do now? I just said that you were skinny. Is that such a bad thing?" He threw his arms up in the air in disarray.

  "No, I guess it isn't." I stood up and grabbed his hand. "Fine, you can take me to Sam's."

  I wished that I could tell Blaine. I wished that I could just open up to him, tell him Why yes Blaine, I look so skinny because I've thrown up everything I've eaten since we fought. Or how I never thought I was fat till college.

  Sororities are notorious for hazing, that's no secret. They say it's more regulated, but the truth is it still happens a lot. It's really not all bad, it shows you know that the older members have earned this and they do deserve respect. So I really didn't mind the study hours and house clean up, but what I did mind was the bikini test.

  I thought the bikini test was just a rumor, something that they made up during rush week so girls wouldn't want to join a sorority. I was definitely wrong. The first night I was a new pledge, they had all the new girls line up and then strip down to just our bra and panties. We all thought this was weird, but at the same time, we still had the adrenaline from rush pumping in our veins.